What happens when a trusted person is found out to be unfaithful? I guess that depends on your perspective. Normally, betrayal leaves us angry, hurt, bitter, and less likely to trust again.
I have children. I expect them to be children. I’m not shocked when they lie, cheat or disobey– they are children, and that’s what children do. Of course the action needs to be corrected, discipline (consequences) applied, and then there is a loving restoration of the relationship, where trust is earned back over time.
Adult humans sin. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. When a trusted adult is caught in unfaithfulness, sinful activity, or some other butt-headed behavior, you have a choice on how you react. A wise man once said, “be the rock that the wave breaks upon”. I have seen people fall apart, remain angry and hurt and worse, due to the sin of another adult. It seems to me that if this is the case, that too much trust was placed in the individual who did the hurting.
Codependency (or co-dependence, co-narcissism or inverted narcissism) is a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively care-taking ways that negatively impact one’s relationships and quality of life.
We need to be careful not to depend on another human to fill needs that God himself should be filling.
How long does it take to repent? This is a heart-action that cannot be judged.
How long does it take to forgive? Does it depend on how bad the hurt is?
Every sin was paid for through and at the time of the passion of Christ.
When my daughter “sins”, our relationship is not broken. She is still my daughter, I am simply waiting for her apology, in other words, for her to repent. Then the love and forgiveness that was ALREADY THERE (before the action) immediately begins to restore trust. Lessons have been learned, and there will be more trials in the future, if we continue to have a relationship.
Don’t waste time being hurt by the actions of another. Their process carries enough shame and guilt to out-weigh your pain. If you gave them the best years of your life, they already owe you. When you give them the power to cause you additional pain, you join in their process in an unhealthy way, and you have your own process to attend to. If you’re angry, its probably because you didn’t see it coming. If you missed the signs along the way, then most likely, you’re really angry at yourself for being so blind and vulnerable.